It has been 6 months since I last sat down and reflected in writing about my life and times, I have apparently been very busy. My private practice is still mostly barter or free in spite of large expenditures of time and money in advertizing, community classes and many folks passing along my information. I am working as a nurse (funny what you will do to support yourself after swearing up and down that you will never do it again.) My nursing job is tailor made for my skills and passions, visiting high risk newborns and their families, giving guidance, treatments and love. I am completely autonomous and an independent contractor for the organization that I work for and feel very free to employ all of my talents for my babies and their families. If I could just get paid in a timely fashion it would be perfect. A dear friend has been very generous while I have been establishing my new life here and my Faith community has been wonderful to be in. I miss my sweet sweetie still of course and the visits and dreams of him have all but stopped, but my deep knowing of his complete freedom from the fetters of this world and his expansive happiness of finally being home with his Creator keep the tears at bay for the most part.
My children are well and thriving right now after some very scarey turns of events in their lives and I am incredibly grateful for that. My health is improving and I know that it will continue to do so as long as I make it a priority instead of an after thought. So in the proverbial nutshell, I am blessed and moving forward in this curious journey of being human.
A surprising and curious phenomenon has unfolded in my life of late. I have fallen in love with a man from my Faith and wonder of wonders he with me. As we traverse this budding relationship together, neither of us having any idea of how it has come to be, since neither of us was planning on it, I am reminded of a dream that Doug came to me in about 3 weeks after his death. In the dream he pushed me into the arms of a man who embraced me and whom I felt completely safe, protected and cherished by. The man showed up on the front page of the newspaper that morning of the dream. There were many things revealed about this person and their life in the article and I wrote to their blog to tell them of the dream and to share my journey of Doug's death. I did not ever hear back, I didn't expect to. I simply wanted to complete the apparent loop that had been pushed out into the waking world from the dream world. The other day I was revisiting the dream and realized that most of the things such as age, avocation, life's losses and other attributes were present in this man that has found me here. I related that to him and we both just shook our heads and smiled. Despite warnings from friends and family, questions of practicality and interesting timing, I am reaching for this new love and letting my heart guide me. Doing that brought me Doug and the growth that both of us experienced as a result of our union was worth the sacrifices that we endured and the heart break of loss. I would do it all over again, looks like I might be getting the chance, Eh?
